A short Corona Virus Poem #wakeup
The Power of NO.
I don’t know about you, but becoming a parent has changed a lot of my daily activities and how I prioritize things in my life. And when I say a lot, I mean pretty much everything…from (no) sleep to being responsible for a life and trying to get shit done…from the mundane (showers) to the nearly impossible (work projects, looking decent and being pleasant on so little sleep), it’s a lot to take on. No complaints as it is everything I wanted and pretty much expected with the added rewards and memories that I couldn’t have ever in my life imagined could be so fulfilling in my prior no kids, all about me lifestyle.
With that said, everything comes with a cost. And not just the monetary kind…as we can all agree, that has drained…err I mean, changed as well…hah! Becoming a parent not only has affected my household, but also the relationships I carry outside of my family life. I see friends less often, happy hours are scarce and let’s not even talk about my “necessary” pampering I used to allow myself weekly and monthly…hello, short non-polished nails. Heck, one of the main reasons I have dark hair now is because getting the time to get out and dye it got lower and lower on my priority and monetary list. Besides, mom buns don’t discriminate. Do I still love those things…HELL YEA I do! But if I had to choose something to do with 4 hours of random free time I get on a Saturday, I’d rather try to knock 3 things out versus just sitting in a salon chair. But that’s just me. I still get to do that – just not as often. And that’s OK…if it wasn’t then I would keep that higher on my list and push lunch with friends, GNO or sleep further down on the list. The point is…I must prioritize way more now than ever since a.) there is still only 24 hours in a day (dammit) b.) My salary did not triple with the 2 additions to my family (double dammit.) and c.) I have become the ‘momager’ of my household and now oversee not only myself, but my children’s activities and am responsible for their well-being and turning them into extraordinary (read: decent) adults. And continuing my pre-kids lifestyle would be irresponsible on so many levels…especially because of point b (ahem). BUT, I am still and forever will be ME so I do the things that are very important to ME. Yoga, alone time with the hubs, lunch or dinner with girlfriends regularly and LIFE celebrations are all things that must remain a staple in my life. Oh, and monthly massages. Because YOLO! And of course, family vacations and at least one vacation with the hubby sans kids are a treat we try to fit in annually. But with all the added costs and time consumption kids add to the daily grind, it’s not always easy, especially when school tuition and activities come into play. We must…budget. Shoot, I used to think I budgeted…but it was more to save for multiple vacations or that ridiculously costly purse I HAD to have. Now, it’s to live the best life I can with what we have. And since we do not have unlimited funds nor time, things get pushed to the bottom and off the list.
Unfortunately, friendships have failed or ‘friends’ grew distant from us. Or we would get that ‘you’re not being a good friend guilt’ because we refused a wine tasting on a Wednesday. Ummm…sorry I can’t attend something you gave me two days’ notice for on a school night. Sure, I could try…but then if I’m hungover and grouchy the next day and my kid happens to be late for school…whose fault would that be? Mine. And guess what…it negatively affects my kids. I have taken on so many responsibilities upon myself in my life, but to be responsible for another’s demise…no thank you. Even if I do manage to get them to school on time, I still gave up hours of precious quality time and sleep, which is already practically non-existent. And no sleep equals a very grumpy me. And grumpy me equals mean mommy for no reason other than my own doing. I sure as hell do not want them to learn irresponsibility from me. Or to feel that wrath for no good reason. It may sound drastic, but little things add up and the kids will see and feel it too. But if we schedule something in for a Friday night and I find a sitter in advance, then no holds bar…let’s Paaartaaaay!!
The point is…it is OK to say No to certain things you cannot do or frankly have no time for at this point in your life. In the scenario above, I chose sleep over a random night out. Maybe if I had a rough day at work, the latter would have been more useful to me and I would have made it work. But no one should make you feel bad for a decision you make for yourself. We all want to be our best selves at the end of the day. And it is a given that everyone has a hierarchy of important people and events in their lives. I’ve been given shit for missing a random brunch because I go to Yoga at those times, yet, the same people were unwilling to push the time back because of their prior appointment after. OK, that’s fine. Next time, I say. But I’m the one who gets dealt a deal of guilt because I don’t want to cancel my yoga? Something that I look forward to weekly in my routine that is my ME time. Send that guilt elsewhere. Now, if a friend from out of town happened to be here for business or something, then so long, yoga – see ya next week. You see how this works? Balance. I don’t have a lot of flexibility in my schedule for my ME time so my scheduled time for ME is important, but so is spending time with a good friend I seldom get to see.
You can’t do it all and you will get burnt the EFF out trying.
I have had friends come back into my life full force after having kids and even apologizing for stuff I forgot about – and applauding me even – for even being able to squeeze lunches in with them with 2 babies at home. <Insert smug smiley here.>
I have canceled multiple outings this winter because honestly, it wasn’t worth it to get the kids bundled and ready and bring them to my moms for a couple hours and then pick them back up all while battling the evil snow on the ground late night. Yea…no thanks lol. True friends will understand. If the benefit doesn’t outweigh the negative, it’s not worth it – in all facets of life. Period. There are some people who feel bad saying no (looking at you DH) and then go home regretting it and are now backed up with home/work life. It’s not worth the suffering of being thrown off schedule if you do not have the time, energy or money to spare – true friends will understand. And those who don’t really don’t care about your well-being as a person or parent. Move on. Your kiddos are only little for so long and won’t really need you as much in a few years. Be the best you for yourself and your family and trust me, your true friends and those who appreciate you will be there when you’re ready to spend a whole day having a champagne brunch and bitching about your crazy teenagers. 😉
Talk to me: Send your feedback, comments or possibly high-fives you would like to share!
Sending good vibes only and always,
juggerMOM
Hello Universe, I hear you.
I finally hushed my fears and allowed myself to put my thoughts out for my first post.
Enter Inspiration #1: The Legendary Mr. Fred Rogers.
You may be thinking…huh, that’s random. Honestly, one research led to another and then another and all of a sudden, here I am reading about the life of and reminiscing about the positive impact Mister Rogers had on myself and the rest of the world watching him over three decades.
I always watched him as a kid and am only now realizing, as a parent, how impactful and wonderful his show and messages conveyed really are and how the life he lived molded and changed lives. And I guess it even stuck with me throughout the years. That’s the thing about growing up – we don’t realize until we grow up – that the things taught to us as a child tend to stay with us and as we grow, they become instilled into you and the impact and life lesson truly shows itself once the given situation arises. But a lot of times, bad situations happen without your permission, when you least expect them and you don’t know how to deal, especially if you’re young and already having a whole world of emotions you’re trying to understand. Which is why Mister Rogers focused on love, positivity and being kind set in a helpful and loving community where everyone had a part and every part was important. And the children watching were the most important part of this neighborhood and spoken to as such. Everyone was equal and worked together to create a harmonious community. And not everyday was sunshine and butterflies either – he spoke to children about death, divorce and hard life situations that are often times unavoidable and how to deal with the emotion surrounding them. And then I got emotional…and wondered why isn’t there anything like that nowadays? And how sad that there isn’t another like him (I mean really, there can never be another him – this man was genuine and kind and basically a freakin’ saint), but then realized that’s why I loved Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood so much. It was the closest thing to him and reminded me of his teachings and is my go-to for my children and myself. Which again, through accidental research, I found out was created by his son as an ode to his father. Poetic. No wonder…DUUUUH!! Daniel and friends were original characters in his show that were portrayed as his puppets. It was totally a “A-HA” moment quickly followed by a ‘D’OH” moment and then I got filled with some comfort. Because let me tell you, that tiger sure helps me deal with the emotions and feelings of my two young girls. From first day of school jitters to controlling your mad, Daniel has a scenario and solution for it all that helps all of us handle these trivial (to us) yet monumental stepping-stones for our children.
So with all that said, as I’m falling head over heels in awe with this man’s way of teaching to children and his genuine passion for the mental health of these children who he knew will be growing up into adults, I stumbled upon another fact: Not only does 2018 mark the 50th anniversary of when Mister Rogers Neighborhood first aired, but also a movie is being released this year about his life and he will be played by my favorite actor, Tom Hanks! Not only that, but February 27 also happens to be the day we lost our beloved neighbor in 2003 – 15 years ago TODAY. Whoa. I quieted my mind and collected my thoughts as I HAD to publish my first post, which happens to be about the the man who inspired me to do so and inspiration struck a few days before his death anniversary. And so I set out to make sure it was published by his death anniversary or at least during the week he is being honored by PBS. His show is playing ALL WEEK to celebrate his life and pioneering work as an educator. I meeeaaaan…Faith has stumbled upon my door. Amirite?! Ok, the Tom Hanks part is just an added bonus to my epiphany, but talk about getting the answer and relief to my self-doubt and fear. If this reaches no one, at least it is an ode to a wonderful teacher who had such a passion for children’s well-being and fought so hard for it.
So why should I be fearful of talking about spreading love, nurturing OUR children and bringing awareness to OUR community about the simple act of kindness and humanity? Why should I even hesitate to write tips about topics that have been asked of me by family and friends alike that it inspired me to share them publicly as it may help someone else regardless of them being a perfect stranger? A fellow neighbor, perhaps? Why shouldn’t I try to help, inspire, teach, nurture and love everyone’s children as though they are my own? Because the world is so cold? Because people will think I’m a granola crunching freak? Or even worse – a bad influence for putting such thought of unity and raising our kids to be good neighbors to one another; to be kind and be part of a community rather than just watching out for our own. We all want the best for our children. I know I sure as hell do. I want to know that when my children go to school, they are among peers who have some of the same values human kind shouldn’t be without. Kindness. Positivity. Emotional stability. Or at the very least know about it. Because you can’t unknow what you know. And I will do absolutely everything I can to provide just that. Our job, as parents, is to raise our kids to be responsible, fully functioning adults in this big, scary world. They are meant to leave the nest. And everyday you hear about new shootings, massacres, gun laws, etc – it’s draining, sad and disturbing. It fucking sucks. And it’s where we’re sending our kids off into. Education is so important and they say everything starts at home, but if we can help our children deal with problems and feelings that may stem from home or their everyday little lives as little children, maybe just maybe, we can help spread the message outside of our homes to those other children that need to hear it too. Just like Mister Rogers did. Because busy. We’re all busy. TOO busy. And then social media babysits the kids and we don’t realize how impactful these outside forces are. But they don’t have to be all bad. I choose to be an outside force of good and love and attempt to help children and parents navigate their feelings as they figure out themselves and the world beyond. Because a lot of times, we get so busy with our busy and quality time gets lost in the internet, tv and whatever else. Every family has a different dynamic, but everyone can use some help. That’s why we have so many groups for everything under the sun and the famous saying of “it takes a tribe” to help with raising children.
We can’t do it all. We need to help each other. We need to grow together and teach our children the simple act of kindness and importance of human relationships. Not hate, jealousy and chasing bling-bling. I choose to be a force in the movement of caring for one another and going back to the core of building good community and just trying to make the world a safer place for our children. After all, we are the ones sending them off into this world with other children – wouldn’t you want those children to treat your child with the same kindness, love and acceptance? I’m not talking about sitting at a fireside singing camp songs, but just to fucking respect each other. And each other’s lives. And bodies. And so on. Mister Rogers knew what he was doing and saw this media frenzy coming and chose every second of everyday to show acts of kindness to those around him regardless of what anyone thought because he believed that’s what children needed. And they do. We do. And along this journey, I’ll share tips and advice just like how I found them that helped me as my way of paying it forward. I’ll also share whatever findings I come across that work or may not work and will probably throw in some bitching and venting posts too along the way, but hey…motherhood, right? And I hope you choose to read on and stay along this journey with me. I’m not sure yet of what will come of it, but not trying is way worse than failing. I choose hope for our children who will grow into our helpers and leaders of tomorrow.
So I’ll sign off with this little tidbit Mr. Rogers used to win over the US Senate in his fight to save PBS against proposed budget cuts:
“What do you do with the mad that you feel? When you feel so mad you could bite. When the whole wide world seems oh so wrong, and nothing you do seems very right. What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Do you round up friends for a game of tag or see how fast you go? It’s great to be able to stop when you’ve planned the thing that’s wrong. And be able to do something else instead ― and think this song ―
“I can stop when I want to. Can stop when I wish. Can stop, stop, stop anytime … And what a good feeling to feel like this! And know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there’s something deep inside that helps us become what we can. For a girl can be someday a lady, and a boy can be someday a man.” ~ Mr. Fred Rogers
Watch the video here:
Rest in Peace, Mister Fred Rogers. Your legacy lives on. And fun fact: will also be a stamp! 😊
I would love any feedback, comments or possibly high-fives you would like to share!
Sending good vibes only and always,
juggerMOM
juggermom.com 